The Chopping Block: Bitget's 387 Million Dollar Hack, Kalshi's Cooked Perps Volume, and Agentic Bank Runs

Crypto's decentralization, staking-risk, and market-maker-incentive debates are now colliding with AI agents that could rapidly dismantle laziness-based bank and insurance business models.

• Bitget hack absorbed, not systemic: North Korea's Lazarus Group stole $387M from Bitget's hot wallets; its $460M user protection fund covered every claim with no contagion.
• Decentralization split exposed: Stolen funds routed through THORChain (no block), while NEAR's Shield froze ~$500K and capped flows under $100M, reigniting the neutrality-vs-censorship debate.

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